It’s not just a doughnut. It’s a DEVICE OF DEATH!

August 14th, 2009  |  Published in Stumpblog  |  5 Comments

Continuing with our DEVICE OF DEATH theme, a Florida doctor is in the doghouse after declaring that donuts will kill you as sure as strychnine. Considering that this doctor served in Iraq, and thus has some comparative concept of things that will kill you, that’s pretty heavy shit. This dude must be serious. In any case, Big Donut got his ass fired.

Dr. Jason Newsom railed against burgers, french fries, fried chicken and sweet tea in his campaign to promote better eating in a part of Florida known as the Redneck Riviera. He might still be leading the charge if he had only left the doughnuts alone.

Newsom returned home from military service as an army doctor to run the Bay County Health Department and launched a one-man war on obesity by posting sardonic warnings on an electronic sign outside:

“Sweet Tea (equals) Liquid Sugar.”
“Hamburger (equals) Spare Tire.”
“French Fries (equals) Thunder Thighs.”
He also called out KFC by name to make people think twice about fried chicken.
Then he parodied “America Runs on Dunkin’,” the doughnut chain’s slogan, with: “America Dies on Dunkin’.”

Somewhat hilariously, he angered staff members by barring doughnuts from department meetings and announcing he would throw the fat-laden sweets away if he saw them in the break room. He also banned candy bars in the vending machines, putting in peanuts instead. (I say “hilariously” because presumably his coworkers would also be in some health-related occupation. Oh, the irony of medical staff becoming enraged because Boss takes away their sugared num-nums! I bet that asshole wouldn’t let them smoke in the office either! *shaking fist*)

Full story from Yahoo News


  1. Craig in Seattle says:

    August 14th, 2009at 10:14 am(#)


    I work in a 150 person office here in lovely Bellevue that is chock full of ‘Wellness’ programs- boot camp, yoga, core strengthening, stress reduction seminars and about a dozen ‘wellness’ related emails a week…so much so that people are just sick of hearing about it. At the same time, we also stock the breakrooms with sodas, candy, and chips at better-than-supermarket prices, and any mention of either changing market rate or improving the quality of the options are met with rage…

    Hence my plans to make stickers that read ‘walking will not save you’. But I’m a dick like that.



  2. KAW says:

    August 14th, 2009at 5:30 pm(#)

    In my office, the recession barely slowed the never-ending parade of sweets and junk food. There was talk, briefly, of taking out the water cooler, though, because water is SOOO extravagant. (I guess it is, kind of, but the building’s water tastes like filings from 100-year old cast iron pipes. When we didn’t have an office cooler, people just bought cases of bottled water.)

  3. kassia says:

    August 15th, 2009at 6:33 am(#)

    you know this is sad. in the article too it mentioned the country commissioner and 2 lawyers owned doughnut shops! a little conflict of interest eh?! boils down to these ppl wanted the truth,they pay a man to educated ppl on the truth,they get the truth and they can’t handle it. god forbid one takes personal responsibility for their eating habits b/c who would they blame then for their weight/health issues. they would have to point the finger at themselves and gosh knows we don’t want the county commissioner to lose business at his little store now do we?

  4. Amanda says:

    August 18th, 2009at 2:34 pm(#)

    God, this is sick .

  5. Thur, Sept 10th – CrossFit Ireland - Great People. Great Fitness. says:

    September 9th, 2009at 5:07 pm(#)

    […] It’s Not A Doughnut, it’s a DEVICE of DEATH! – Coaching 101 – Jon Gilson […]

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