Pee All That You Can Pee? How Much Should You Drink?

July 14th, 2013 by Mistress Krista | Comments Off

Pee All That You Can Pee? How Much Should You Drink?

In the quest for optimal health, it’s easy to go overboard and drown yourself. But urine luck today: Guest author and whiz kid Matt Stone argues in favour of “If it’s yellow, let it mellow” and against over-hydration. Are you peeing your brains out?

Hormones, Homeostasis, and Why You (Probably) Need Carbs

April 30th, 2013 by Mistress Krista | Comments Off

Hormones, Homeostasis, and Why You (Probably) Need Carbs

It’s fashionable to watch our carb intake these days. But could you be doing yourself a hormonal disservice by being a carb fascist? In this article, I explore the concept of homeostasis; the role of the stress-survival response in hormonal health, particularly growth hormone (GH); and why most women probably need a carbohydrate intake that’s higher than commonly recommended in low-carb advice.

Sweet Potato Power: An Interview with Ashley Tudor

December 16th, 2012 by Mistress Krista | 4 Comments

Sweet Potato Power: An Interview with Ashley Tudor

Ashley Tudor’s ode to the sweet potato encompasses self-experimentation, lessons in hormones, and delicious recipes. I interview Ashley about her book and her sweet potato project.

Waterlogged: Interview with Dr. Tim Noakes

March 5th, 2012 by Mistress Krista | Comments Off

Waterlogged: Interview with Dr. Tim Noakes

Why sports scientist Tim Noakes wants you to quit the Gatorade guzzle, especially if you’re female.

Fast Times at PPAR-y

February 10th, 2012 by Mistress Krista | 7 Comments

Combine the occasional period of not-eating with a healthy diet that aims to reduce inflammation and optimize your body’s natural healing processes, and you might just stave off a cripping disease or two.

Mainly because of the meat?

February 8th, 2012 by Mistress Krista | Comments Off

Mainly because of the meat?

Are we still, as a species, who we are “mainly because of the meat”? Some evolutionary evidence says yes.

Eat quality protein, get lean?

January 28th, 2012 by Mistress Krista | 18 Comments

An interesting, albeit small, recent study correlates protein quality to waist size. What is interesting here is that the researchers stipulate “quality protein”. What the heck does that mean? Read on…

My FREE New E-Book on IF!

October 12th, 2011 by Mistress Krista | 18 Comments

Stumpamaniacs: Have you ever missed a meal and thought Oh crap, I’m going catabolic!? Or I’m going to rip someone’s face off if I don’t get a cookie soon? Or simply wondered whether your metabolism really “slows down” to an LA-traffic-jam crawl if you skip lunch?

Wonder no more. (Short answer: You’ll be fine. Have a little green tea and a deep breath. You might even get riptshizzled and healthier, if you’re smart about skipping a meal now and again.) Science! Sex hormones! Food disasters and triumphs! Mistress Krista’s uterus! John Berardi’s abs! Blood work! It’s all here! And the best part — it’s FREE!

The top 5 nutrition mistakes you’re probably making

September 14th, 2011 by Mistress Krista | 14 Comments

Female athletes come in all shapes, such as runners, power-lifters fighters, dancers, or women just out there having fun. Yet they all seem to make the same nutrition mistakes. The good news is that if you fix these things, you’re way ahead of the game!

The How To Go Primal cheat sheet

August 20th, 2011 by Mistress Krista | 9 Comments

Inspired by reader comments on How To Go Primal (without really trying), I’ve created a handy HTGP cheat sheet that lays out the options for three types of diets (and by diet, I mean eating routine, not Slimfast).

The premise here is that there are three very general types of categories of diets, based on human technological and cultural changes.

How to dump sugar… for good

August 18th, 2011 by Mistress Krista | 79 Comments

How to dump sugar... for good

I’m a hardass about sugar. Sugar has no place in anyone’s diet. Period. It ages you, fucks up your metabolism and moods, and is Public Enemy #1 for chronic disease.

Getting off sugar is the most worthwhile 3 weeks of hell you’ll ever spend. Ready to get that sugar monkey off your back? Then let’s go!

How To Go Primal (without really trying)

August 16th, 2011 by Mistress Krista | 34 Comments

From a reader comment — “I’m interested in trying Paleo/primal-style eating. How do I start?”

Good question. Here’s my advice: Start small — one step at a time.

Above all: HAVE FUN! Don’t make this about restricting or controlling or being “perfect”; make it into a fun game and self-experiment.

Tofu makes you dumn?

May 7th, 2011 by Mistress Krista | 29 Comments

I am often asked why I do not recommend soy protein for vegetarians. The aggregate data suggest that whatever benefit soy may offer is vastly outweighed by its many liabilities — especially when it is processed. (Really guys — did you honestly think that Tofurkey was healthy?) One key problem with soy appears to be its effects on brain health with aging.

Fuck supplements

July 31st, 2010 by Mistress Krista | 67 Comments

Fuck supplements

OK, you know what? Fuck supplements. That’s right. Fuck supplements.

That’s my new stand.

Krista’s Kalorietastic Konfabulator

February 14th, 2009 by Mistress Krista | 58 Comments

Now that you’ve read all about the major macronutrients — fat, carbs, and protein — you’re probably wondering how the heck you make, like, meals and stuff. After all, foods aren’t just “nutrients”.

Here’s a little chart that might be helpful. Here are common foods that are good sources of the major nutrients.

Body fat part 4: Philosophical thoughts on body fat

June 22nd, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 12 Comments

In our culture, body fat is associated with particular meanings, many of them negative. You may be asking, “Krista, why are you talking about fat on a woman-positive site? Aren’t we supposed to, y’know, be freeing ourselves from the beauty myth and all that?” Yes! Of course. And I get pissed off as hell with people and social institutions telling me how I should look. Yet we also have to live in a society where there is substantial negative reinforcement for excess body fat, as well as quite real potential health consequences from carrying around a lot of additional fat.

However, just because society is screwed up doesn’t mean you should be too…

Body fat part 3: Why the scale can steer you wrong

June 22nd, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 6 Comments

The scale is only one tool for measuring fat loss, and it’s not the best one. Here’s why, and here are some better methods.

Body fat part 2: Gaining, storing, and losing body fat

June 22nd, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 8 Comments

Just like saving money for a rainy day, our body stores excess calories as fat. How fat loss/gain works, and why “spot reduction” is a myth.

Body fat part 1: An introduction

June 22nd, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 2 Comments

Body fat. The words can send otherwise rational women into fits of paranoia and hushed, ashamed discussion of their failures.

In this article, I bust out the F-word and explain how fat works.

The cottage cheese page

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 44 Comments

Many weightlifters badmouth cottage cheese, whining that it tastes bad and can’t be used in any recipes. I henceforth declare them crybabies. To overlook cottage cheese is to do without a great source of lean protein and a versatile food.

Thus, I have made it my mission to convert the heathen.

The carb myth part 3: Low carb vs lower carb

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 28 Comments

Are carbs all-or-nothing? Do you have to give up bread for all eternity just to see your abs? Well, you could, if you wanted. Or you could find a carb intake strategy that works for you. Here are some options.

The carb myth part 2: It’s the calories, stupid

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 12 Comments

In the first part of this series, The Carb Myth Part I, I pointed out that people often replaced the fat in their food with carbs, primarily in the form of refined sugar. I also stressed that controlling carb intake was critical to ensuring successful fat loss and appetite management. I’d like to expand on this a little bit because currently, the low-carb mania is echoing the stupidity of the low-fat mania ten years ago.

The bottom line: refined carbs—processed sugars and simple starches—are still bad for you.

The carb myth part 1: Why “fat-free” can still make you fat

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 6 Comments

Ah, the 1980s and early 1990s, the era of ultra-low-fat diets. We were told that we could eat anything we want, as long as it didn’t have fat in it. Calories were irrelevant! Just purge the fat and you can eat everything with impunity! I don’t know about you folks, but I chowed down a whole lot of plain rice and brownies made with applesauce. Well, at the end of it all in early 1997, I was still overweight. Desperately, I tried to purge every last living fat molecule from my life. And through it all, I happily scarfed “fat-free” treats: Snackwells, hard candies, Jello, gelatos and sorbets, fat-free salad dressings with a weird chemical aftertaste… Are you doing the math by now, dear reader? It wasn’t the fat in my diet that was the problem, it was the carbohydrate intake. In other words, I had replaced some negligible fat calories with tons of sugar and starch calories.

Some comments on the current state of sports nutrition products

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 8 Comments

Food is generally regarded by bodybuilders not as an experience of organic and sensual enjoyment, but as fuel or a substance which contributes to the achievement of a particular physical goal. Bodyfat, in “fitness culture”, is the physical manifestation of overindulgence. Eating, for many people in this culture, is something to be brought under control, and to be done within a clearly defined regimen of bodily discipline.

Enjoyment of food and control of the body are thought to be incompatible; after all, who gets brown rice and lentil cravings? Thus, if the pleasure of eating is antithetical to control of the body, it stands to reason that foods deemed appropriate for “health” goals must be-symbolically or actually-separate from those kinds of foods which are enjoyable.

Make your own protein bars

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 14 Comments

Prefab protein bars are expensive crap. Make your own instead!

Grains! Graaaaainnss!!

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 16 Comments

Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentils, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof… –Ezekiel 4:9

Hey, those Old Testament chefs were on to something.


June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 5 Comments


Fat has become an obsession in North American society. As a society, we revile fat people, we eat too much fat but profess adherence to low-fat diets, we say some fats are bad but others are good (and this designation changes regularly), and we buy products that are fake fat or supposed to absorb fat (or suck the fat out of our bodies… as if). Many people, especially women, fear and avoid all fat in hopes of staying slim. In other words, we don’t have a clue about fat. There is so much confusion about fat that I could write 32 volumes of the Encyclopedia Fatannica about it.

Consider this your helpful Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Fat Galaxy. And, just like Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, the words “DON’T PANIC” are written on the front.

How to eat more fruits and veggies

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 2 Comments

Hopefully I’ve convinced you that fruits and veggies, aka F/V, are good for you. They contain valuable vitamins and hundreds of other chemical compounds, as well as soluble and insoluble fibre. Also, they taste good! When I meet people who say that they don’t like F/V, it usually means that a) they have only tried a limited range and/or b) they don’t know how to cook them properly.

An apple a day keeps the oxidants away

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | Comments Off

This just in from the Department of Duh: fruits and vegetables are good for you. Also, sky is blue and water is wet.

Why diets don’t work: Conclusion, and what DOES work

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | Comments Off

The short and sweet conclusion I promised? Drastic diets or diets without exercise chew through muscle. Less muscle means lower BMR and more relative bodyfat. Lower BMR means eventually putting on additional bodyfat in the long run. It puts your hormones out of whack and disrupts your appetite and eating patterns. Essentially your whole metabolic environment is screwed up.

It also means that short-term, drastic caloric restriction is not a good solution for long term weight maintenance and bodyfat loss.

Why diets don’t work, problem 4: The band-aid solution

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 1 Comment

Aside from the physiological effects, possibly the biggest reason why diets don’t work is that people regard them as short-term solutions to a long-term issue. The issue is usually insufficient activity/sedentary and poor nutrition. In some cases it can also be an underlying medical condition such as polycystic ovary syndrome or thyroid disorder. However building muscle can help in both those cases, as it improves insulin resistance as well as adding lean body mass.

Why diets don’t work, problem 3: Hormone hell

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 1 Comment

Hardcore crash dieters are probably familiar with this phenomenon. They diet stringently, purging all unnecessary calories, for a few days. Maybe even a week. Then, suddenly, appetite becomes overwhelming and the dieters lose control. They binge on whatever they can get their hands on: a bucket of chicken, an econo-size bag of cookies, or what the hell, a block of Crisco. They feel like the biggest, most out of control pig in the world, and indeed they have temporarily lost control of their eating behaviour.

Why diets don’t work, problem 2: Muscle munching

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 7 Comments

Why diets don't work, problem 2: Muscle munching

When people drastically reduce their calories, as in most crash diets, the body first turns to muscle breakdown to make up the difference. The same thing happens in most cases of caloric reduction where exercise is not performed in conjunction with dieting. In other words, if you diet without exercising, or if you diet too stringently, your body eats through its muscle tissue.

Why diets don’t work, problem 1: Diet products suck

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | Comments Off

Most products promoted as weight-loss supplements do not help the body lose fat. So save your money.

Why diets don’t work: introduction

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | Comments Off

In terms of cultural history, there has never before been a society like ours in North America. We sit in the midst of plenty, yet we obsess about starving ourselves. Our supermarket shelves groan under the weight of every conceivable kind of food, yet it is considered grossly self-indulgent to consume too much of it. Our cravings are not proudly declared, but furtive, embarrassed: we cram a fudge brownie or two on the sly, we make midnight runs to the convenience store for Oreos, we secretly fantasize about cheesecake. All the while we lament our lack of willpower, our inability to stay “on a diet”, our ballooning midsections. We say that we hate the Celebrity Model Du Jour for being so skinny, but privately we know we would walk over broken glass to spend even an hour in a slender body, because that is what our culture values. With these contradictory messages it’s easy to see why so many people have very complicated feelings around food, fat, and dieting.

The worst part is, the damn diets don’t even work! How is that for wasted effort?

Eating for muscle mass gain

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 32 Comments

Skinny Minnie looking to be She-Hulk? Don’t despair. Just belly up to the bar and start eatin’.

Diets 101 part 3: Which diet is which?

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 5 Comments

Some helpful terminology and an explanation of some of the basic approaches.

Diets 101 part 2: Learning the basics

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 16 Comments

Think of a good diet as simply assembling blocks of Lego. These blocks are macronutrients, portion size, overall caloric intake, and meal frequency.

Dieting 101: Introduction and spotting the scams

June 21st, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 10 Comments

Lowcarb diets, no-carb diets, low-fat diets, Atkins, Protein Power, cabbage soup diets, grapefruit diets, Paleolithic diets… can’t a girl just get some plain old eating any more? How to separate the sheep from the goats and the wheat from the fat.

Basic nutrition

June 5th, 2008 by Mistress Krista | 9 Comments

“Let your food be your medicine and your medicine be your food.”

The basics of how to eat nutritiously. Meet your friends, the macronutrients!

Get "Fuck Calories"

Enter your information below and the magical gnomes that run Stumptuous will send you a copy of the "Fuck Calories" e-book for free!
Email Marketing by Javelin