Because we think you’re stupid: Cherry 7-Up with antioxidants

May 1st, 2009  |  Published in Stumpblog  |  7 Comments

Move over, skin cream with “lipids”. Shove a cheek, vitamin water. And you too, multigrain Lucky Charms. (OK, you’re still astoundingly idiotic. You can stay.) There’s a new bullshit health superstar in town! Cherry 7-Up with antioxidants! Any resemblance to actual cherries is purely coincidental, of course.

Thanks to Ninja M for the link and MamaPop for alerting us to this staggering display of food industry crap and chutzpah.


  1. Geoff says:

    May 1st, 2009at 4:14 pm(#)

    I spoke to a Coca-Cola rep about a year ago. He kept talking about vitamin water (this was just after they acquired 50 Cent’s company and just before it was formally announced as bollocks). He kept on saying how they had to adapt to the consumer environment.

    My overwhelming impression was that the important balancing point for Coke was right between the minimum amount of money per unit possible and the consumer impression that there might be something vaguely healthful about their stuff. That’s the trend, after all.

    I honestly believe that if the trend were poison spikes, they would come out with a $2.00 a bottle beverage with ground twigs and just a hint of ipecac.

  2. Lillian says:

    May 1st, 2009at 11:11 pm(#)

    But, but…it has electrolytes! (Quoting the movie Idiocracy).

  3. Bethany says:

    May 3rd, 2009at 6:18 pm(#)

    I saw a coworker with one of these a few weeks ago. When asked what it was he pointed to the antioxidants part and said, “It’s good for you!”

    Have you ever had so much to say all at once you just kind of seized up? Yeah.

  4. Rebecca Knight says:

    May 4th, 2009at 6:27 pm(#)

    Lillian–that is the FIRST thing I thought of :P. What a load of “specialness.” Thanks for looking out for us, Coca Cola!

  5. Kat says:

    May 13th, 2009at 1:38 pm(#)

    re: antioxidants — did anyone else see that PNAS paper that suggests that eating huge amounts of antioxidants may, in fact, negate some of the beneficial effects of exercise in preventing insulin resistance? link:

    Apparently, the authors think that the reactive oxygen species (aka free radicals) produced during exercise might act as some sort of a signal to the cells to increase their sensitivity to insulin and to trigger the body’s own antioxidant defenses.

    So maybe the cherry 7-up will actually give you TWICE AS MUCH diabetes…

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    May 15th, 2009at 7:36 pm(#)

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  7. savvy says:

    August 17th, 2009at 3:33 pm(#)

    but its so good tasting~

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